Another ramble? Yes, yes, or as Nigel calls them: “story time with Uncle Jay”. Anyhow, I’ve started to do some workbench stuff that I might be unveiling soon. Meanwhile, this latest ramble came to me after seeing the latest posts on Darryl’s IWSTI journal.
Not everyone mourns loss the same way but one universal “rule” our society seems to impose on us is that you should “move on” sooner or later. I personally have a huge problem with that. I never quite understood how “easily” some people seem to “move on” with the passing of a loved one, especially if it’s your life partner. I’ve seen many of my uncles and aunts get new spouses only a few months (if not weeks) after the death of their supposed “true love”. This has always pissed me off greatly. Wait, you say, some people just can’t stand living alone, or you’ll give me this classic line of he/she would want you to be happy and find someone else. What a load of stupid crap… one of the biggest heap of manure I have ever heard.
For me, it’s a matter of honor. True love for a parent, for a child, but especially for a spouse should transcend death. “Moving on” is the coward’s way out to escape the emotional pain. If you truly “move on” you are a traitor to that person’s memory. Nobody should interfere and say that should move on and forget. You can only learn to cope with the constant pain but never should it be forgotten. I have lost all respect for the people I know who have so easily destroyed their spouse’s memory by replacing them. It’s like people get partners for the sake of companionship alone and if love is felt then it’s only a bonus. I say fucking hypocrites and traitors all of them. True love should be honored forever, it’s not just a fleeting concept. I’d never forgive either of my parents if they did a similar thing after either one’s death.
As for me personally, if life would take away my fiancée from me, I’d mourn her until the day I die and I certainly would never replace her. I would want daily reminders of what I lost so I can continue to love her properly even in death. I would never forgive myself if I didn’t. I would continue to cherish her memory forever until my own end, and may that come sooner because of her passing. In that aspect, I would hold her to the same standards. I’d want her to be in pain, to cry, to scream in despair, to honor me. Oh, she knows, I already told her about that and she agrees with me. Whatever it takes, for honor, for memory, for love, to be true to ourselves and our feelings. The pain is only a reminder and a companion to what it is to truly love and care for someone. The day you should stop feeling it is the day you die.
Darryl, I respect you for how you are handling your loss. May you never let your mom go, lest you become a hollow pitiful excuse for a human being…